Chapter 4 begins with Merry being laid down on a bed of clothing because she still didn’t want to fuck on the dead vegetation. Whatever, at least she seems to actually want the sex this time. Once Abeloec lays on top of her, she mentions that due to their height differences (Merry is like 5’1” and Abe is somewhere above 6’) all they can do is kiss, and what? Is Abe just laying dead weight on top of her? Can’t he just… position his body differently? Or are they seriously laying like Barbie and Ken on the ground?

This is something that is brought up multiple times across both this series and the Anita Blake series… both protagonists are around 5’ tall, give a few inches, and most of their love interests tend to be upwards of 6’. I myself am just about 6’ tall, and I’ve never in my life experienced this problem. For you shorter folk, is this a thing? Is this actually a problem when it comes to sex?

After another round of “I thought the sidhe do not lie” when Abeloec tells Merry he doesn’t remember when the last time he had sex was, Merry finally asks him what he wants for his “first” time in forever. And, again, Merry tells them that it doesn’t matter that they don’t give her an orgasm for the first round, they should just get it out of the way, which, I don’t know, I just take that as more “how a woman feels during sex doesn’t matter!” which is terrible, especially coming from a FEMALE WRITER writing a FEMALE PROTAGONIST. The men are constantly like “I worry I won’t do well, I want to bring you so much pleasure!” and she just… casually swats it away like it hardly matters. She does this time and time again whenever a new guy gets to break their fast in Merry’s snatch.

So then Mistral tells Abeloec to hurry the fuck up so that he can get a good go at the Real Doll that Merry has become. In pretty much every sex scene, there’s hardly any description of what Merry is doing, and just tons of descriptions of what’s being done to her. Is this to allow the reader to “step into Merry’s shoes”, or whatever? Because, for me as a reader, all it does is make me think Merry is a boring basic sex partner who lies there, stiff as a board.

Everyone in the room starts basically begging Abeloec to just fucking fuck Merry. Mistral actually whines about it. I had completely forgotten this scene, since going into this book I thought I actually LIKED Mistral as a character. NOPE.

His voice was strangled as he said, “You’re still wet.”

I would have answered but Mistral’s mouth found mine, and I gave the only answer I could. I raised my hips toward Abeloec’s searching hand. The next thing I felt was his hands moving to my hips. The tip of him rubbing against my opening.

Mistral raised his mouth from mine and half whispered, half groaned, “Fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, please,” and the last word was drawn out into a long sigh that ended in something close to a scream.

Abeloec pushed himself inside me, and only then did he begin to throb with power. It was almost like some huge vibrator, except this vibrator was warm and alive, and had a mind and a body behind it.

I love that description of Mistra’s long sigh turning into a scream. I can’t even imagine what that sounds like? Maybe when my dog whines about wanting a treat so long that it eventually turns into a loud, whiny bark? God, I’m so sorry to even mention my dog in relation to a LKH sex scene. I’m so sorry, Loki!

Mistral starts basically shoving his tongue deep down Merry’s throat as a way to cause her pain during Abeloec’s gentle lovemaking.

Mmmmm…. Mistral.

They were both so skilled, but in such opposite ways that I wondered what it would be like to have their full attention one at a time. But there was no way to ask Mistral to wait, to give us room, because I could barely breathe with his tongue down my throat, let alone speak. I wanted to speak; I wanted to stop having to fight him to breathe. My jaw was aching hard enough to distract me from Abeloec’s amazing fucking. Mistral had crossed that line from feels good to fucking stop.

First off, Abeloec’s amazing fucking?! You couldn’t come up with anything better to describe it than amazing fucking?

Secondly, here, again, is Merry wanting a guy to stop what they’re doing. Sure, he’s just kissing her so deep she can’t even breathe with his tongue lodged deep in her throat, but stop means stop and when anyone wants anything sexual to end, you fucking respect that.

Since they hadn’t come up with a safe word prior to the whole sexual encounter, Merry starts raking her nails deep across Mistral’s neck to get him to stop. This enrages him and we get this awful exchange:

“When I say stop, you stop,” I said. And I realized that I was angry, too.

“You didn’t say stop.”

“Because you made certain I couldn’t.”
“You said you liked pain.”

Meanwhile, Abeloec is still pumping away while Merry is trying to prove a fucking point to Mistral about consent. This is just fucking terrible.

Anyway, they both orgasm at the same time like always and Merry’s orgasm is so strong she’s basically turned into a wacky inflatable arm flailing tube man under Abeloec’s dick. I’m not kidding:

The orgasm would roll over me from my groin to every inch of my body, then it would start again, spreading from between my legs over my skin in a rush that sent my hands seeking something to hold on to, my body thrashing. My entire upper body left the ground and smashed back, over and over, while Abeloec held my hips and legs trapped against his body.

All of Merry’s men start holding her down while this is happening, and the chapter ends with them screaming “Abeloec, finish it!” like Merry’s a Mortal Kombat kill, and then the entire room is filled with a super white, bright light.