Chapter 14 starts with Merry FINALLY actually meeting up with the cops. Deja vu? Didn’t I start the previous review with almost the same sentence?
And guess what! It starts off with a lot of pointless bickering!
“Special Agent John Marquez.” And he actually bowed. “It’s an honor to meet you, Princess Meredith.”
I tried not to laugh. The bow was overdoing it. “I wish I could say the same, Special Agent Marquez.”
He looked up, puzzlement on his darkly handsome face. “Have we done something to offend you, Your Majesty?”
I shook my head. “Majesty is only for the ruler, and I’m not it, yet. I called Major Walters and asked him to bring down his people, but I did not call the FBI, so I’m a little puzzled why you are here.”
“Faerie land is federal land, Princess. That makes these crimes our jurisdiction, as I’ve pointed out to the major here.”
“Ah, but technically it’s faerie land, and neither of you has any jurisdiction here.”
Marquez smiled condescendingly. “But you called for police help, and since the mounds are on federal land, that means us.”
I shook my head. “Only if we ask for your help; until that moment it’s our business.”
He shook his head. “You did ask us, Princess. Special Agent Gillett got your call, and he referred it to our local office.”
I’d figured as much, but it was still disappointing to know it for certain. “I made the call to Gillett out of courtesy and for old times’ sake. I realize now I was wrong to have called him at all.”
“But we are here now, and we have forensic facilities that the local St. Louis police can’t match.”
A woman broke away from the knot of locals. She had blond hair that was a little too perfectly yellow ot be real and human. Dark glasses cut a pretty face so that it took you a moment to notice her eyes were large and long-lashed. “I’m Dr. Caroline Polaski, head medical examiner for St. Louis County, and I take exception to that.”
“You can’t compare your lab with ours,” Marquez said.
“I did my internship with you, so yes, actually, I can.”
“Internship, then you weren’t good enough to make the grade.”
She gave him a very unfriendly look. “Check your own records. I left because my husband got a better job here, and I got offered the run of the place. At your shop I’d have been someone’s flunkie.”
“Because you weren’t good enough to be head of our shop,” Marquez said.
This was getting us nowhere. “Stop it,” I said.
That is how most conversations with police go in the LKH world. Lots of back and forth bickering and repetition of the same theme, on and on forever. Merry tries to put a stop to it with her last like, but of course that doesn’t work, and the asshole FBI agent keeps bickering with her about why she even needs the help if she thinks she’s in charge of the investigation. He then threatens that if he can’t help the investigation, he won’t allow the FBI to help out ever again.
So to get the FBI agent to back off, she CALLS THE FIRST LADY OF THE UNITED STATES. SHE CALLS THE FUCKING PRESIDENT’S WIFE. TO TATTLE ON THE MEAN OLD FBI AGENT.
I explained some of what Marquez had said, and added, “And he threatened that if I didn’t let him in now, he would make certain the FBI didn’t help us later, if we needed their expertise to solve the crime. Could you talk to him for me?”
Faerie’s future queen, everyone!
Anyway, the chapter ends with Marquez getting a talkin’-to from the First Lady, then retreats with his tail between his legs after agreeing to letting the local cops run the scene and assisting if called.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, “and then the big meanie said this and then said that and MUH-OOOOOMMMM-AHHHH listen to meeeeee!!!!”
Holy shit did LKH seriously not figure out how BAD that looks for her “future ruler”?? Even the LANGUAGE is bratty infantile tattletale and…and… THE FIRST LADY?!?! HAHAHAHA😂😂😂
Why oh why did she even call the FBI agent friend if she honestly didn’t want the FBI’s help—WHY does she prefer the regular cops to the FBI?? This isn’t even Anita, who initially had a good relationship with them…she’s ALREADY the dumb ditz magicwhore, Queen of nothing but petty squabbling!
Hahaha oh man. Oh man. I needed that.
Also—does she seriously not see how bad she makes MERRY look here? He starts out affable and willing to help. SHE badgers HIM by being an asshole about it, and then calls her mommy.
Does the First Lady even have ANY power over the FBI?! I mean I know she doesn’t, so I really wish the scene kept going to it’s inevitable conclusion:
First Lady tried to tell him what’s what but he’s like, you don’t have rank to pull, ma’am so she’s like OH YEAH and calls her husband who is like OMG DON’T BE SO MEAN TO THE FAERIES and he’s like, I wasn’t, sir, and the president is like OH YEAH?!? And calls the FBI Director who is actually James Comey on his last day, so he just says, “I really couldn’t give a shit. Bye!”