A Kiss of Shadows – Chapter 37: The Magic Vagina Wars

Chapter 37 begins some time after the events from Chapter 36 – Merry and Co have flown back to LA. Since Pasco, the queen’s former spy, had died, Andais was forced to select another of her guards to spy on Merry and Co during their time in LA. She chooses Nicca, a pretty low-key sidhe guard who is terrified of Andais. Nicca’s father was a winged demi-fey, however Nicca was born without wings. In place of the wings, he was born with a full tattoo of wings upon his back.

They were all protected by a bunch of cops on their way to the airport, and when they land in LA, Merry’s boss at the detective agency, Jeremy, met them there with Uther, the giant pigfaced thing. Remember him? Jeremy hadn’t expected Merry to want to come back to work now that she’s been outed, but she wanted to return, along with several of her guards. One bodyguard must be near Merry at all times, and others work for the detective agency as guards-for-hire. Once word got out that Grey’s had full-blooded sidhe on staff, business picked up like crazy, and they were very in-demand.

It had been a few weeks, and Galen’s mangled crotch still wasn’t healing from the demi-fey feast, so Merry is planning on having a discussion with Queen Niceven soon to find out what must be done to heal him.

As Chapter 37 is basically the ‘tie-everything-up’ epilogue, we circle back around to Alistar Norton’s widow, Frances, and his mistress, Naomi. Remember them? Probably not, because they were side characters of a stupid throw-away plot! Anyway, in a move that surprised no one, Frances and Naomi have become a romantic couple, and Merry wonders if she will ever get a wedding invitation from them, if same-sex marriage is legalized (this book was written in, like, 2003, so prior to most states starting to recognize gay marriage).

Barinthus remained at court, and people are starting to whisper that Barinthus is now the “Queen-maker” – he had been called “Barinthus King-maker” when Merry’s father had been alive, as he had rallied to put Essus on the throne, but now that Merry is co-heir, guess he’s the Queen-maker. Meh.

Merry has yet to have sex with Doyle, because apparently he keeps telling her that “the anticipation will make it better”. The whole point of her taking Doyle with her back to LA was so that he could fucking FUCK her and fill her with babies. I’m sure if Andais knew they’d yet to have sex, she’d order him back immediately, but you know, this story has hardly ever made sense so what the fuck ever!

Griffin has yet to be found, because probably no one is even bothering to look for him. Seriously, they found Merry a few hours after she was outed, why isn’t anyone able to locate Griffin? Who even cares!

Merry fucking whines about how she’s too scared to be happy with her throng of men.

       I should be happy, and I am, but I’m not at peace. We are in the quiet before the storm, and it is going to be a hell of a storm. I will be weathering the storm in a boat made of flesh and bone, the bodies of my guards, and with every caress, every glance, I am more and more reluctant to give any of them up. I’ve lost enough people in my life. I’d like to try, just this once, not to lose anyone else. … Whatever it takes to keep them safe, even if that means being queen. I can’t be queen while Cel lives, no matter what my aunt believes. I pray for the safety of those I care about, and what I’m really asking for is power, the throne, and my cousin’s death. Because those three things must happen to give us all safety. They say, be careful what you wish for. Well, be even more cautious with your prayers. Make sure, very sure, it’s what you want. You never know when a deity may give you exactly what you asked for.

And the book ends.

Let’s take a moment to discuss this clusterfuck of a novel. By the time LKH wrote this, she already had several of the Anita Blake series under-foot. They had become bestselling novels, and were quite popular. Nine novels, to be exact, before this one was released. Around book nine of the Anita Blake series is where Anita begins taking a turn for the slutty.

Anita Blake, who had once been a very chaste, ass-kicking necromancer, started slowly turning into Queen Magic Vagina, and the Merry Gentry series was a way for LKH to write about a character who wasn’t inhibited by her past, who could express her sexuality and sexual side without anything standing in the way. Basically, what she eventually wanted Anita to become, and at some point during her dual-series writing extravaganza, she blurred the two. When you read both series together, which is what I did, there comes a point where you can’t even tell one series from the other. I almost fully expect a cross-over at some point, which will just be fucking wonderful.

I used to follow LKH’s blog, back in the mid-2000s, but I fell off of it when I stopped reading her books. I just no longer cared. Well, I kinda want to go back now, back to around the time I gave up, because bitch went batshit. I have no idea if she ever grew out of that phase, but with how crazy this series ends up, I hardly doubt that.

This book wasn’t bad, in terms of the rest of the series. The second book, the next one I will be reviewing, is about the same – it sets the stage for the rest of the series, I suppose. But, don’t you worry, this series fucking takes a leap off the crazy cliff pretty soon, and I cannot wait.

I hope you’ve all enjoyed the first in my Merry Gentry book series reviews. Up next will be book 2: A Caress of Twilight.

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