Swallowing Darkness – Chapter 27: Always Gotta be a Fight

Chapter 27 begins with Merry and the boys exiting the sluagh mound. Merry is now wearing a big furry white cloak, because apparently the leather jacket that was handmade for her wasn’t enough. Once they get clear of the mound, they realize that the Major had called out the entire guard – there’s a ton of soldiers and police out there, more than they were expecting.

Merry notices Rhys is waiting for her, so she goes to him and he hugs her. Galen is there as well, but he’s deep in conversation with the police’s wizard. Major Walters comes over and introduces Merry to Captain Page, captain of the National Guard unit that came out to protect her. And of course he’s gotta fight with her.

“The Illinois National Guard is honored to escort you to safety, Princess Meredith.”
“I am honored that I have such brave men and women to call for help.”
Page studied my face as if wondering if I was being sarcastic. He finally frowned at me. “You don’t know my people well enough to say that they’re brave.”

Are you fucking kidding me?

Anyway, Merry finally convinces him that she’s right, because she’s always right and never ever wrong, Also she’s been using glamour on him this entire time, and Rhys tells her to tone it down. Page realizes that he’s being affected by Merry’s fey-ness and that he needs to get more “preventative”.

Ugh, this chapter is ridiculous and unnecessary.

Rhys said, “They’ve actually got essence of four-leaf clover smeared on them.”
“Did you give it to them?” I asked.
“Nope, they came up with it all on their own. Apparently, they have contingencies in place in case the fey get nasty.”
“We would never presume,” Page began.
Doyle interrupted. “It’s all right, Captain. We are pleased that you have protection. We will not purposefully bespell any of you, but there are others among the fey who are not so scrupulous.”
The humans looked around them nervously, though Page and Walters kept looking at us.
“I do not mean an overt attack,” Doyle said. “I just mean our people’s sense of…humor.”
“Humor,” Walters said. “What does that mean?”
“it means that the fey enjoy poking at anything new. This many of our good men and women of the military would be almost irresistible to a certain number of our populace.”
“What he means,” Rhys said, “is that we have a lot of gawkers, but they’re fey so you won’t see them. But we know they’re there. They might have a hard time resisting luring some of your soldiers off the beaten track, just to see if they could do it.”

First off, have I mentioned how much I hate how LKH writes any dialogue? She either beats you over the head with he said, she said, I said, said Doyle, Doyle interrupted, Doyle asked, I asked, etc. Or she barely uses anything so you have no idea who is talking at any given moment. Also it’s always super redundant explaining stuff we already knew.

Secondly, if anyone is going to talk to the humans, it should always be Rhys. He’s the only one who should ever talk, period. Rhys is the best character in this dumb series.

They continue talking in circles for a while, and then Merry shivers. They finally realize that maybe they should be inside, and the chapter ends with Captain Page looking at Merry with suspicion because she’s “keeping secrets” from them. Ugh, whatever.

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