Chapter 15 begins with Sholto already naked. Merry is staring at his chest/stomach wound, where the Seelie had shorn his tentacles. Sholto notices her stare and uses his glamour to hide it. Merry tells him that she thought he was beautiful no matter what, but then he’s gotta ruin everything and start crying about it.

“In Los Angeles, even the sight of you fully clothed hardened my body. Tonight I am weak.”

I gazed down the long length of his body to find that he was still soft, and as small as he got. He was one of those men that wasn’t truly small even when soft; a shower, not a grower.

Barf.

But! This means that Merry can do one of LKH’s favorite things: shove that soft dick into her mouth and suck it back to life. Ugh. This seriously is a trait BOTH Merry and Anita rave about in their respective series and I just… I’m so sick of reading the exact same sex scenes over and over. They’re so interchangeable now. Maybe LKH IS really just pumping out story templates and hiring ghostwriters to fill in the details? The LKH Madlibs special? _____________ took the ________________ into their ______________ and began ______________ing it __________________. I just wrote a LKH sex scene!

I had been denied the chance to give oral sex to most of my lovers. They didn’t want to risk spilling their seed anywhere but between my legs, wasting a chance to father the next heir to the throne – a chance to make themselves king to my queen. I didn’t blame them, but I loved oral sex, and I’d missed performing it. The few times I’d been able to persuade anyone, he had already been excited – big, hard, which was a pleasure all its own – but I liked the feel of a man when he was small. So much easier to take all of him in my mouth. No straining, no fighting all that length or width.

Merry, you JUST did that in the last book, with Galen, remember? Oh wait, I forgot this is the book where no one remembers who anyone had sex with previously.

I rolled him in my mouth, sucking gently, at first. But I wanted to enjoy all the sensation I could while he remained small, so I increased in intensity. I could feel him moving in my mouth, the skin sliding, the meat of him so easy to work with. I sucked him fast and faster, until he cried out, “Enough, enough.”

That sounds so familiar to me. I wonder where I heard that last? Oh just every LKH sex scene involving oral.

I moved to the loose roll of his balls, licking along the skin, sliding all that silkiness between my lips and tongue. I watched him grow larger as I played with his balls. I rolled one testical, carefully, into my mouth so I could play with all of it. He was too big for me to try to take both in at the same time; it would be too easy to injure such tender parts. The last thing I wanted to do was cause him any new pain.

I love how LKH so casually refers to Sholto’s testicles as “balls” but then won’t ever call a penis a “penis”. It’s always the ‘length of him’ or some other such froofroo nonsense.

Eventually Merry moves over to straddle him and we get another “I’m too tight, but I’m wet, but so so tight” mention and I swear to you guys, once I finish reviewing this entire series, I’m going to do a tight and wet counter for both this series and the Anita Blake one, because I’ve had it with tight and wet.

I meant to have him inside me as deep as he’d go before my release, but my body had other ideas. It was as if my body being so tight around his made his body press just right, just exactly right against that one spot. One moment I was trying to be so careful, easing him inside me, and the next I was screaming my orgasm, my body bucking around his, the movement forcing more of me down the shaft of him faster than I would have managed without it. And as long as I could keep pushing him inside me the orgasm kept going. It kept on as I shoved him inside me, and somewhere before the last inch of him went inside, he started helping to push.

He doesn’t even DO ANYTHING and she’s already thrashing around on that cock like a fucking loosed balloon? Isn’t he INJURED?

Anyway, they seriously don’t do anything yet again and Sholto instantly starts orgasming as well. Seriously. They didn’t do ANYTHING. Merry did some par for the course oral sex, then slid Sholto’s dick inside her, and they’re INSTANTLY COMING.

I heard him scream my name, felt his body buck under mine, felt him drive himself home as hard and as fast as he could. He hit the end of me, and that orgasmed me again. I threw my head back and screamed his name to the heavens.

He went still underneath me, but I couldn’t focus my eyes enough to see him, not really. My vision ran in streamers of color. I collapsed forward, and forgot. Forgot that he was still hurt. Forgot that I was wearing the queen’s right on my right hand; the ring that had once belonged to a real fertility goddess.

I had a second to realize that the skin of his stomach under my hands was no longer raw, but felt smooth and perfect. I blinked down, fighting through pleasure’s afterglow to see him. His stomach was as flat and perfect as his illusion once had been, but this was no illusion. He had his tentacles back, but as a tattoo so bright and life-like that a glance made them seem real. They were a picture, drawn upon his skin.

Before they can figure out wtf just happened, Merry hears a noise and sees the chalice and spear start rolling toward them. And the chapter ends with Merry and Sholto bracing to be hit with a large blast of magic.