Chapter 21 begins with Barinthus fucking CONGRATULATING MERRY ON A JOB WELL DONE for putting Madeline in her place. What the flying fuck? Merry started a fight for no reason and now she’s being congratulated for it. I can see Merry’s rule over the Unseelie Court now – someone disagrees with her, she starts a meaningless power-trip fight and then expects everyone to pat herself on the back for it. Worst. Ever.
Anyway so another guard that hasn’t yet been introduced steps forward – Carrow. He’s tan and has short hair – what’s that you say? A guard, a SIDHE MALE with short hair? I don’t even remember if they explain why Carrow’s hair is cut short. I don’t think he ends up being one of Merry’s lovers, so I’m sure it doesn’t even matter. Merry only fucks dudes with CURTAINS OF HAIR anyway, so why waste precious chapter-space describing his stupid plain short brown hair. Carrow apparently sat with Merry during some of her biology courses in college. He seems to actually care about Merry a bit – he kept up with her during her college days and wanted to know what she was planning on doing with her degree. Merry and Carrow catch up a little bit before they’re interrupted by another guard who is apparently impatient to see if the ring reacts to him.
Merry is reluctant to greet this new guard, Amatheon. He also has shorter hair, coppery red and shoulder-length. He tells Merry that he’s just as unhappy to see Merry as she is to see him, and Merry asks him why he’s even there. “The queen ordered it” he tells her. Amatheon is apparently one of Cel’s strongest friends and followers, so it’s pretty fucking bad news bears that he’s there.
“Trust me, Princess, I wouldn’t be here if I had a choice.”
“Then go,” I said.
He shook his head, sending his hair sliding over the leather of his shoulders. The last time I’d seen him, the hair had been to his knees. Most sidhe took it as a point of pride to have hair that had never known a blade. In fact, fey who were not sidhe were forbidden from having hair to their ankles.
I gazed up at him. “You’ve cut your hair since last I saw you.”
“As you’ve cut yours,” he said, but his face was sullen.
“I sacrificed my hair to hide the fact that I was sidhe. Why did you cut yours?”
“You know why,” he said, and he fought to keep his face behind its arrogant mask.
“No, I don’t.”
Anger broke through his mask, tore it away, and I watched someone close to rage in his flower-petal eyes. He balled his hands into his shoulder-length hair. “I refused to come here today. I refused to be one of your men. The queen reminded me that refusing her anything is not wise.” He forced himself to relax, and the effort was visible and near painful to behold.
“Then go,” I said.
He shook his head, sending his hair sliding over the leather of his shoulders. The last time I’d seen him, the hair had been to his knees. Most sidhe took it as a point of pride to have hair that had never known a blade. In fact, fey who were not sidhe were forbidden from having hair to their ankles.
I gazed up at him. “You’ve cut your hair since last I saw you.”
“As you’ve cut yours,” he said, but his face was sullen.
“I sacrificed my hair to hide the fact that I was sidhe. Why did you cut yours?”
“You know why,” he said, and he fought to keep his face behind its arrogant mask.
“No, I don’t.”
Anger broke through his mask, tore it away, and I watched someone close to rage in his flower-petal eyes. He balled his hands into his shoulder-length hair. “I refused to come here today. I refused to be one of your men. The queen reminded me that refusing her anything is not wise.” He forced himself to relax, and the effort was visible and near painful to behold.
So the queen had apparently forced him to be there for reasons?? Amatheon isn’t even sure why it was so important for him to be there, and the queen would not tell him why. Amatheon wants to touch the ring and get this shit-show over because he’s the only one there who doesn’t want to put up with Merry’s petty bickering bullshit fun fest.
So you’d think that this would mean they’d do the ring touch and get it over with, yeah? NOPE. THEY GOTTA FIGHT OVER IT FIRST. And Merry apparently has no say in the matter. Our ruler, Princess Meredith, who SHOULD BY ALL MEANS be making her own decisions and ordering her men, HER FOLLOWERS, to do her bidding, just sits there while Doyle and Frost talk amongst themselves if THEY WILL FUCKING ALLOW MERRY TO USE THE RING ON THESE MEN.
Ugh. I can’t wait until Merry throws another “I AM RULER HERE, NOT YOU” fit, because she does a super good job remembering this when it actually fucking matters.
– Important decision impacting the entire Unseelie Court’s future? Merry will sit back and let Doyle make the decisions.
– Dude not wanting to be forced into some weird sexual situation he’s obviously uncomfortable with? Merry’s pulls the “I AM RULER HERE, DON’T YOU FORGET THIS” bit.
Cool.
Ugh and then Frost won’t allow Merry to touch anyone else with the ring because he cannot bring himself to learn if any of THESE MEN are Merry’s true love. Ugh. Amatheon actually has to convince Frost that he wants very little to do with Merry and likely won’t ever come to love her despite what the stupid fucking ring decides for them. So another guard steps forward telling Amatheon that he should have just agreed to come along without arguing. New guard is named Onilwyn and he’s like the lumberjack-sidhe. Onilwyn is another of Cel’s men, so he and Amatheon get into a fight over their loyalties to Cel for some dumb reason.
Onilwyn shrugged thick shoulders. “I prefer Cel king because he likes me, and I like him. He’s promised me many things once he’s on the throne.”
“He promises many things,” Amatheon said, “but that is not why I have been his follower.”
“Then why?” Doyle asked.
He answered without looking away from Onilwyn. “Cel is the last sidhe prince we have. The last true heir to the bloodline that has ruled us for nearly three thousand years. The day that someone who is part human, and part brownie, and part Seelie takes our crown is the day we die as a people. We will be no better than the mongrels in Europe.”
Onilwyn smiled, and it was so full of spite that it hurt to see it. “But here you are, lover of the pure Unseelie blood, here you are.” He stood in front of the taller man, gazing at him with that cruel, satisfied smile. “Forced to bed one of the mongrel horde. Knowing that if you get her with child you, personally, will be responsible for placing her on the throne. Such delicious, thick, spreadable irony.”
“He promises many things,” Amatheon said, “but that is not why I have been his follower.”
“Then why?” Doyle asked.
He answered without looking away from Onilwyn. “Cel is the last sidhe prince we have. The last true heir to the bloodline that has ruled us for nearly three thousand years. The day that someone who is part human, and part brownie, and part Seelie takes our crown is the day we die as a people. We will be no better than the mongrels in Europe.”
Onilwyn smiled, and it was so full of spite that it hurt to see it. “But here you are, lover of the pure Unseelie blood, here you are.” He stood in front of the taller man, gazing at him with that cruel, satisfied smile. “Forced to bed one of the mongrel horde. Knowing that if you get her with child you, personally, will be responsible for placing her on the throne. Such delicious, thick, spreadable irony.”
I don’t even understand what the hell is going on. Amatheon obviously despises Merry, as does Onilwyn, but they’re arguing about why they are being forced to fuck her? What a dumb thing to spend like FOUR PAGES on.
Anyway, they continue arguing about who gets to touch the ring and if Doyle will allow them to touch the ring and Frost doesn’t want anyone to touch the ring and it could all just be one long run on sentence for how much I care.
Frost tells them that he doesn’t like doing this, so Onilwyn gets up in his face to mock him about how he hates sharing Merry but has to. Ten points to Onilwyn. I know LKH will do something to make Onilwyn out to be the bad guy, but man, I just love when these “bad characters” mock how fucking pitiful the rest of the group are. Love it.
So Onilwyn is still picking on Frost and YET ANOTHER new guard steps forward to tell Onilwyn that he’s being an ass. This new one is Usna, whose name I fucking hate, and he’s like half-cat. No shit.
Usna’ mother had been made pregnant by another sidhe’s husband. The scorned wife had said that her outside should match her inside, and changed her into a cat. The magical cat gave birth to a child, Usna. When he grew to manhood, which was years younger than nowadays, he returned his mother to her true form, avenged them both on the sidhe who had cursed her, and lived happily ever after. Or would have, if killing the sidhe who’d cursed his mother hadn’t gotten him kicked out of the Seelie Court. Apparently the enchantress in question had been the king’s current mistress. Oops.
GOD DAMMIT. That would be such a better story to read than chapters of these dumb characters arguing over who gets to fucking touch a stupid magic ring.
So anyway the chapter ends with Usna approaching Merry asking to touch the ring, and Merry finally makes a decision and agrees.
A whole chapter of this bullshit.
Trailer Park of Emotion 